Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Sign Of Hope?

Tired. Depressed. Want to paint REAL art, the stuff from inside of me. Too tired. Want to curl up on the couch with a book. No- not really. Want a miracle transformation. Want to feel strong and full of hope, want to feel like my good ole self from long ago. Tired of the discheveled mess, I've let my life become. Tired of the discheveled house, that seems inpossible to stay on top of with three kids. Tired. Last night, in my dream, I was looking up at a grey blue evening sky with my son and a vision of Jesus appeared with His arms outstretched and John the Apostle at His side. There were others too- apostles, I'm assuming. My son and I were in awe. The vision was mostly in shades of white. No technicolor here. When I woke up, feeling like someone might just have to peel me from the bed, I remembered the vision clearly and pondered the meaning of it for a bit. Was it a sign that I would soon meet my Maker? As crappy and forlorn as I felt, I decided not. There was too much of a happy, hopeful, peaceful feeling, when we witnessed the vision. So I'm going with that. It was a sign of hope. That things will change for the better and the transformation will come.
And now, I'm off to deal with the discheveled house, and try to remember to just keep doing the next right thing, try and put my best foot forward, keep the faith and clean house within myself, one step at a time. The light will shine down on us once again.


Sharon said...

Hope this mood passes quickly. ART is a good cure so maybe you should create first and then tackle the house. I'll be thinking about you all day today.

suze said...

I am with Sharon on this one. I am learning thru the blogs that depression is pretty common among artists. If you are like me the transformation will come in the Spring with more sunlight and the rebirth of all the colors we love to see around us.
Hang in there,make some art, things WILL get better.
I am sending you an art award to cheer you up. You can come by my blog and pick it up.
xo suze:)

HMBT said...

you are not alone.

self taught artist said...

sending good thoughts your way. thoughts are not facts...just keep that in mind. feelings come and go like the weather changes...one thing at a time and whatever is right in front of you is probably the best thing to focus on. (this said with imagined zen masters cloistered about the atmosphere)

katie said...

i'm so sorry to hear you're going through a dark time, but things will get bright again, spring is almost here. i'm reading a very promising book right now called "The Mindful Way through Depression" by Mark Williams, Jon Kabat-Zinn and two additional authors. It's a practice and has a CD with it. Not something to delve into when depression is active but when you feel better you might want to check it out. Big hug, Darcy. xo

Garden Painter Art said...

As you well know, you and I are two peas in a pod at the moment. We just have to keep plugging along and keep faithful. Although, I must admit, my faith has taken quite a beating in the last year.

Still, I have high hopes for the both of us.

Garden Painter Art

saffron said...

Wow, I've been feeling exactly the same. Spring has helped me a little though and I'm crawling out of it. I hope Spring has been helping you too!

Your blog and art are very lovely! and your daughter's as well!