Monday, November 17, 2008

Tossed Salad Days

Yes, well, I'm still here...for those who are interested. Which I suppose is not many...considering my absence from blogging world and the art arena in general. Though that's quite okay. We all go through life in it's different stages and phases. Passsing ships...full moons alight only to be covered by passsing clouds- leaving nothing but darkness. But only for a while. The ebb and flow.
Right now, life is like these like little shakers. A little oil and a little vinegar...depending on the day.
And with each day, I somehow...try to balance the two and not let it leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. Yes, like a yummy tossed salad. Most times. Sometimes.
So in the mix these days, is a new part time job scanning beverage ads for a data company, five hours a day, five days a week, and for minimum wage. But hey...I'm not complaining. It's a job...more than we had, AND I can wear jeans, the women are nice, and it's a short drive- so no excessive gas money. I get a fifteen minute break for lunch, and to satisfy my nicotine habit (yes yes...I know it's a BAD habit) and that's where the vinegar comes in! Fifteen minutes is not much time. But then again...it's not like I'm doing fine dining here either.
I still have my PT sales job, tho as I mentioned that is very slow because of the economy. And yes I am still selling what I can on etsy. Yup, it's a tossed salad of jobs and income, but it's something.
The hub is STILL looking for work. In the meantime, we were blessed with food stamps and with the help of a local food bank, we almost squeeze by each month. I have learned more about economizing and stretching than I ever thought possible.
Oh and we got a wee bit toward our heating bill! YAY for heat! That's what I'll say come January. In fact, I'm saying it now!
However, it sure makes me happy for all those times I gave my change to the Salvation Army Santa Clauses when I was growing up in NYC and they seemed to be everywhere. So, please remember to throw your change in the bucket when you hear that bell ringing, as one day it could be you. Funny, you never think of it that way, at the time. At least I didn't.
The kids are all healthy, except of course for the occasional seasonal, cold allergy thing. Unfortunately, the dog got sick and we found out (after a $300.00 vet bill that we have to pay off) that he has diabetes! Poor dog! He's a great family dog, loyal and true and a great protector.
So he needs two shots of insulin a day. But he's still our great dog! So you see, oil and vinegar.
Got the dog, just need the insulin.
We couldn't afford our phone bill anymore, but managed to switch to Vonage before they shut off our service. SO we still have a phone. Important..when you have three kids. Funny thing is, I was gonna call school tomorrow with the new number...and wouldn't ya know it! Two of my kids got sick at school today and they had to track us down to pick them up! I myself came home sick from work, as I think I caught the hubs stomach bug, that he had all day yesterday. Even though I scrubbed, cleaned and disenfected! All in a tossed salad day.
And while I was at it, I washed the lines. Or ta least I tried to. Until the knob of the washing machine came off in my hand! Hmmm...easy enough..I'll just screw right back on! no...noo....that would have been too easy. But it wasn't all vinegar. After some prodding, nudging and thinking, I got it to work wth a plyers. Who needs a knob! YAY clean clothes for the week and clean linens!
Thankfully, the brakes in my car are still good...though they were groaning a couple of weeks ago. Who could blame them? The hubs car however needs a new alternator. (I don't even know what that is, mind you) But, thats okay. We have good friends willing to do the labor for nothing and just need to pay for the part. SO we're just waiting on that winning lotto ticket for that one! Yup...tossed salad days. Little oil...little vinegar.
As for art. Well, I still have no inclination,motivation and pretty much feel like throwing my supplies out the window. Some days I think...how silly were you you? Playing with paints and paper...thinking you are ANY kind of artist at all? An artist would still be producing art! Which I'm not.
The truth is, I'm cold (literally), tired, drained, I have a swollen gland in my throat that has been there for weeks and I think is some foreign alien mass. I have nights that I wake up terrrifed, thinking of what will happen to my family, my wonderful children. I think of times, when I never had to feel this way. I have days that I literally have to peel and talk myself out of bed because I feel too defeated and like I just can't face the world anymore...there's just too much life and not enough me. How odd it is...that it actually seems easier to get oneself out of bed for work, when one isn't all consumed about how much they ACTUALLY NEED that minimum wage. When one isn't consumed with gloom about their future. Geez, you'd think it was the other way around. YOu would think that would be your motivation. Instead of wanting to hide under the covers.
BUT then I remember to think of EVERYTHING I do have. I say my prayers of Thanks and Forgiveness and ask for many more Blessings to come. AND I remember that I have to go on.
That there HAS TO BE light at the end of the tunnel. That God is watching over us and HAS NEVER LET ME DOWN.
AND The good news is...we still have our house and are waiting on our app. for mortgage assistance. We have food to eat and clothes to wear. We have each other. And most days...I have HOPE that things will turn around. HOPE and FAITH can cause miracles to grow. Even in the bleakest of days and the coldest of soils. You can still have a yummy tossed salad!
Cheers all- here's to salad...and oil and vinegar days! Hope to catch up with you this week and get creatively inspired. Maybe it'll help me throw something artistic in the mix!

8 comments:

self taught artist said...

I just wrote you an email asking how you are and then read this and got more than I could have imagined...im glad things aren't as bad as they were looking in regards to the house. I'm glad you somehow managed to get a job (seeing as everyone is getting laid off). I know how you feel about peeling yourself out of bed, and the fear and all that. I'm glad you shared this, it helps me feel less alone with my stuff. You are stronger than you think, obviously. And good you have a tight little family that keeps you going. good health to you all, your dog included...and stop berating the artist in you. few people can make art when their lives are crumbling and changing...(those that do make art in such rough times usually make morbid stuff yes?)....so stop judging that artist, she is taking a break and letting you get it together so she came come back, who knows maybe your art will be different when that happens. (you did seem to be going through a funk and wanting to shake that up).
So, bundles of hugs,love, hope and strength to you and me and everyone!

LadyTulip said...

>> I must say that you are showing much more strength than most people would under the circumstances your going thru. My hat's off to you, kiddo. May you keep your strength and always remember that we're here for you, thru thick & thin!! I've been thru the EXACT same thing as you, so I know what it IS <<

You are being wrapped in hugs & love!!

L.

The Vintage Sister Studio said...

Sending positive thoughts your way!
Tracy

Ruth said...

Oh my sweet BlueBirdie...you break my heart and fill it too...with joy and sadness..'tis true..so what can I say to comfort you? ok this is enuff of my 'mourning pome'
for you.:)

First of all...you are sooo Mighty and sooo Strong!!! You're dearly beloved by those who are lucky enough to know you. You're a shining inspiration to us all even when you're under so much pressure you can barely breathe...you lift me up.

But you know this too shall pass...it always does. Better days are coming I promise...

I'll email you later love...

XOXOXO

Ellen said...

'the ebb and flow'. It's so hard to see that now, but it will get better. You're right, it ALWAYS does. You ARE strong. Ditto to everything Paula articulated so well. The art doesn't matter right now. Rest yourself, be well, sending love and good thoughts your way.

turquoise cro said...

((((Darcy)))))YOU and your sweet family are in my prayers!

Jenniwren said...

You have opened my eyes... and my heart this morning.
I think everyone has tossed salad days in their lives and most of us bitch about the vinigar and dont even notice the oil. You my friend, have insight and courage. You WILL get through this.
Your post reminded me of when I was a kid. One of 6 and back in the sixties, life was not easy for my parents. But we had food, clothes- mostly second hand, and a roof over our heads, and we had each other. I take my hat off to my parents.... and I take my hat off to you!

Sharon said...

I haven't forgotten you, Bluejude, and I miss you a lot over on Mojo. You and your family have been and are in my prayers. You are an inspiration to me too in how you deal with things and your insight. Hoping things turn around for you guys soon.